At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
