First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
