Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
