...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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