what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
