i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
