lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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