Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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