she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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