Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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