Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
