If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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