i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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