Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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