Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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