..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
