OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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