I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
