would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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