so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
