He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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