you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
