Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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