i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
