OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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