Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
