Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
