Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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