This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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