is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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