4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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