being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
