it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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