Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
