I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
