Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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