Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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