i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
