Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I lost the right to judge tonight
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
