I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
