found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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