Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
