Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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