i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
