He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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