In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
