allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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