grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
