Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
