Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
