Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
