I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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