when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
