She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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