Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
