is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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