we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
