my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize