i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
