I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
