I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
