Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
