you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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