I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
