You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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