So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
