where am i from again
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
