I'm laying in your front yard are you home
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
