South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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