I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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