Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
