My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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