Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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