So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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