literally had 100 drinks last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
