Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
