just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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