Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
