YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
