I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
