She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
